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Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Optic Hygiene

Through telepathic communications with a Cambodian forest ox named Amirault Beasly, I found out the secret to healthy eye lids. Unfortunately, it is quite an intense multi-stepped routine which begins in the morning with the ingesting of several ropes of licorice, which must have been cured for three weeks in an air-tight box full of natural toothpaste. Various exercises must be performed at intervals based on the orbital cycle of Jupiter, and one must acquire some rare leaves that only grow on trees in Round Top Texas and apply them for seven and a half minutes at the top of every hour.

Other rituals are involved, but ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you a secret that not even Amirault the Forest Ox knows. You can bypass this rigorous group of tasks and have perfect eye-lids by leaving a comment on this blog.

Yours Truly,

Billy