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Saturday, November 25, 2006

Slippery Egress is not the name of a band.

A column blocked the doorway from which I wished to exit this morning. It was only two inches thick, but was comprised of some sort of petroleum jelly and had the look of a never ending stalactite,(or stalagmite, depending on which end you looked at first). It would have been easy to walk around, except that to the right of the column was a Banana Republic with Nuclear capabilities. To the left of the column sat Morrissey, eating a steak.

The only logical thing to do was to step right through the middle of the column and hope for the best, which I did. I had to wipe away some of the vaselinesque substance from the column and then had to shake off, rather like an old hound dog, equal parts danger and despair.

And so shake and wipe I did. All due to the inspiration that I would soon be posting to you.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

This Indian Summer Evening

Click Here For An Audio Presentation of this Post

Dear Friends and Neighbors,

I hope that this Indian Summer evening finds you all well, and that you will thoroughly enjoy this post because I had to check, clog, and crimp to get here. Yes, the obstacles were many between where I was this morning and where I am now, which is here, at the abode of my computer.

First, I encountered a maze comprised mainly of grape vines that would have been extremely difficult to navigate had I not skipped breakfast, and if I didn't have the fever for the flavor of a scuppernong . For, you see, after I ate my fill of grapes, the vines were quite empty and thin and incredibly easy to see through. Nonetheless, when I came to the end of the maze I was asked (by a gant muskadine ) for a password.

This was the first of four times today that I was asked for a password, and it was the first of four times in which I immediately yielded the correct response .

I crossed a moat full of peanut oil so that Soleil Moon Frye could solicit the second password. The third, I gave to a guinea pig on a distant planet, and the fourth I recited not ten minutes ago to this very computer, who listened intently, and hastily lead me down a trail of juji fruits to its home .

So, following the posting of this little snippet, the computer is going down town to get a haircut. He says that if I go with him he can show me how to get home without having to give a password every five minutes, which is an offer too good to pass up if you consider the moats and mazes to boot.

Well, the computer is making noises which indicate a desire to hit the road soon, so I guess this is where I will issue my valediction and bid you farewell.

I hope to soon encrypt cyber-space with another esoteric etching. But, until then, I wish you all luck in your varied endeavors.

Yours Truly,

Billy Sugarfix