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Sunday, June 06, 2004

Evilution Pt 1

The Evilution of Planet Earth's Most Important Trio Pt 1

One day I went swimming at an old abandoned rock quarry that had filled up with rain water. I was all set to jump off the side when I noticed a ripple in the water. At first I thought it was a genuine 100% form fitting temperupedic mattress with twin pillows and a quarter inch quilted comforter/cover. But it wasn't. It was an arm. A human arm. It came up fist first out of the water and threw the goat.

All of a sudden the wind started blowing really hard. The arm plunged back underneath the quarry's miniscus and soon resurfaced holding a raspberry '74 Vintage Telecaster Custom (made in the USA for the Fender guitar company). Six bolts of lightning sprung from the heavens and struck each tuning head on the guitar’s neck. A raspberry laser shot from the instrument’s pickup and struck me in the forehead. The guitar then began playing by itself. It was a gnarly groove. Gosh I wish you could have heard it. You would have freaked. Whoa.

So anyway the wind blew me off of the side of the quarry and into the water. That very same wind whipped across the surface of the erstewhile lake and propelled me like a porpoise (not a dolphin, a porpoise, dude) towards the arm. When I got to it, I grabbed the guitar and started whaling out some killer riffs a la Dale (you know, Dale, from Chip and Dale, the cartoon... did you know that after he quit Disney he became one of the most highly respected under water guitar players in the history of all music? Well, he most dogone sure did!).

I soon found myself flying through the air, axe at the ready, still kicking out the jams. I landed on the shore of the quarry and gave a three and a half hour long concert for all the animals in and around the lake. A bunch of deer were moshing. A dragonfly was pissed off because the beavers never leave tips at the bar. But everyone was digging on the music.

Little did they know that I was only one third of the musical force that would ultimately re-align planet earth to an orbit of free mouth wash and good will.

Hear What This Trio ended up sounding like after recruiting musicians from all over the universe to join the noble cause of setting Earth back on its rightful path at:


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