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Saturday, June 19, 2004

Revenge of the Lemonade

On the way to the next town, Groves the bass playing catfish stopped and drank some of the water we had collected from the rock quarry. As long as he had a steady supply of it, he seemed quite content being a fish out of water. As he sipped, I turned to Chuck, a meteorite, and our band’s drummer, and said;

“Boy, you sure showed those two nincompoops. That’ll teach them to mess with Evil Wiener”

“Darn Tootin” said Chuck, who was still shedding clouds of smoke following his little trip out of our atmosphere.

“Yeah” said Groves, between sips of water “Evil Wiener is the most malleable rock and roll band the milky way galaxy has ever experienced. I just know we’ll get a gig in the next town.”

Before long, we came to a town and found a place with a big sign that said;

“Admantine’s Rock and Roll Lemonade Stand”

Chuck, Groves, and yours truly went into the building where we were met by Admantine.

“Hello Mr. Admantine. We are Evil Wiener and we have come to indeed rock. Perhaps after hearing a sample of our music, you will permit us to perform at your club.”

Mr. Admantine rolled up his pant leg and began drawing a map of Iowa on his knee with a sharpie. “This had better be good” he said.

Groves produced his bass and started us off by playing notes so low that there aren’t even names for them. Chuck joined right in, adding a beat like that of asteroids colliding. Then, it was my turn. I strummed my magical guitar, and the notes flowed like soda from a fountain. Our sound floated about the room, and for a moment I felt as though I were floating with it- and then began to sing my latest ode to a funnel cake.

Mr. Admantine cut off the power to the stage and said; “Peeeeeeeee Yew!!!! You sing like a polar bear that has been shrunk to the size of a shoe lace and dipped in a bottle of V-8 Vegetable Juice Cocktail. How dare you waste my time.”

As quickly as he had begun the song, Groves abandoned his bass and jumped behind the bar and drank every drop from every bottle, can, and cup in the club.

“My lemonade!!!!” Said Mr. Admantine. “Whatever shall I do without my lemonade.” He then called the police, who showed up as quick as you can say; “Hey, is that my tofu-burrito or are you just washing your magazine rack with jelly bean polish.”

“What seems to be the problem here” said the Police Officer.

“These jerks drank all my lemonade, now I have nothing to sell to my rock and roll customers. Arrest them. Put them in jail!”

“Which one of you drank the lemonade” asked the officer. Groves stepped forward.

“Hmmmm” said the officer. “I don't’ think we have the proper facilities to house a prisoner such as this. By the way, is that a bass guitar you have?”

“It sure is” said Groves. “Would you like to play it?”

“Don’t mind if I do” said the Police Officer.

Mr. Admantine was as mad as an ostrich with buck teeth. “WHAT ABOUT MY LEMONADE!!!! I CAN’T HAVE A CONCERT HERE TONIGHT IF THERE IS NO LEMONADE TO SELL”

“You should have thought of that before you made fun of our singer” said Groves.

“Yeah” said Chuck.

The police officer put down the bass and looked with disbelief at Mr. Admantine.

“You, sir, are disgusting. How dare you impede the path of a young rock and roll band such as this. Why I oughta.....

“Take it easy officer” said Chuck “This man is just misguided. He doesn’t understand the true meaning of rock and roll.”

“Perhaps you’re right” said the Police Officer “I guess I’ll be on my way”

Chuck, Groves, and I followed him through the exit door. I thought about sticking out my tongue at Mr. Admantine, but then I remembered what my Mother always said;

“Billy, if you ever get the chance, you should put some Grape-Nehi on the stove for a while and drink it warm. It’s really not too bad.”

“Thanks Maw” I said to myself as Chuck, Groves and I headed down the street, still searching for our first gig.

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