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Saturday, July 03, 2004

Heart Like an Eel

Before we had gone too far down the street, Chuck said;

“I’m hungry”

Groves said;

“I sure would like to jump into a pond or something”.

“Say” said Chuck “Why don’t we look around for a place where we could eat, and maybe get a hotel room with a big bathtub for Groves”

“Gee” I said “I don’t think we have enough money for that.”

“Darn” said Chuck.

“Shucks” said Groves.

I gave Chuck and Groves the last bit of dough that I had and told them to go and at least get a snack somewhere. I then sat on the curb and felt lower than the toilet in the basement of hell.

“You look sad” said a squeaky voice. I turned around and saw a mouse.

“I am sad” I replied.

“That’s ok.” said the mouse “So am I”

He came and sat on the curb next to me and said;

“Why are you sad?”

“I am sad because our Rock and Roll band can’t get any gigs because no one likes my singing. How about you?”

“I am sad because my pet died”

“What kind of a pet was it?” I asked.

“It was a giant electric eel. What is the name of your band?”

“Evil Wiener”

“Evil Wiener? Say, aren’t you the guys who trashed Thrum-Cap and Coil’s? And then drank all of the lemonade at Admantine’s Rock and Roll Lemonade Stand?”


“YEEEEHAW!!!” said the mouse “Those jerks have had it coming for years. I wouldn’t feel bad about what they think. They wouldn’t know real Rock and Roll if it moved into their socks and played cards with their toes. To me, good music isn’t about good singing. It’s more about swimming in rock quarries, talking catfish, meteorites, and magical events that turn normal everyday creatures and objects into musicians. That’s where I’m comin’ from.”

The mouse paused for a moment and then said;

“Saaaaaaaay. I’ve got an idea. Why don’t you guys come play at my place? I live in a cave that’s right down town. Having a rock band to party with might make me less lonesome for my recently departed pet, the giant electric eel.”

I felt like a multicolored balloon with a hologram inside it. It was finally happening!!! A gig for Evil Wiener!!!! Then, I had an idea of my own.

“Why, yes, Mr. Mouse. We’d love to play your Cave. But first, let me ask you. Can you pay us a thousand bucks each? JUST KIDDING. JUST KIDDING. What I really wanted to ask, is, what kind of aquarium did you have for your eel?

“A large freshwater aquarium” said Mr. Mouse.

“Would it be big enough for, say, a six foot three catfish wearing sweat pants and a tuxedo jacket?” I asked.

“I should say so” replied Mr. Mouse.

The future looked brighter than a solar panel on the Palace of Apollo.

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