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Friday, July 30, 2004

Foil the Foilers

Groves, Chuck, Mr. Mouse, and yours truly, Billy Sugarfix- put up 5,845,396 photographs to advertise our show at Mr. Mouse’s cave. When we got done we were tireder than narcoleptic box turtles.

We went to the cave, where Groves, the six foot plus bass playing catfish took a nice nap in the giant aquarium that used to house Mr. Mouse’s pet electric eel.

Chuck, the meteorite who fell to earth to play drums in Evil Wiener (our power-pop alternative indy post punk marathon of a band), and I filled balloons with water melon seeds to prepare for the show. We had filled up 4,857,685 balloons when three men wearing black cloaks, stove pipe hats, and sporting handle bar mustaches entered the bar. They approached the bar, confronted Mr. Mouse and said;

“You must pay the rent” The voices revealed to us that these three men were none other than Thrum-Cap, Coil, and Adamantine.

“No fuzz off my peaches” said Mr. Mouse as he handed them a Cream Colored Bali Hai Duvet lavished with lace. He paused for a moment then produced a copy of the lease, which stated that Mr. Mouse was obligated to provide one (1) Cream Colored Bali Hai Duvet lavished with lace per month in order to inhabit the premises.

The three dastardly villains winced, but then Adamantine reached into his cloak and produced the 5,845,396 photos we had posted to advertise our show.

“Ha Ha Take This!!” Said Adamantine.

“No one will come to your show. They have no way of knowing about it” Said Thrum-Cap.

“I got my hair cut by a grasshopper and boy are my arms tired” Said Coil.

We all looked at each other in desperation. What could we say? Finally we’d gotten a gig, and this trio of callous caitiffs had bollixed our chances of getting an audience.

I was just about to say “Gee-Whiz” and burst into tears when I heard a buzzing, swishing, spinning sound coming from outside. We all ran out of the Cave where we were stunned by the sight of a rocket that looked just like a giant carrot. As it was landing, a voice boomed from some speakers in the ship saying;

“Ladies and Gentlemen, does and hares, do not be alarmed. The flying carrot that you see before you is none other than the revered Beta-Kerotene, as piloted by the fabulous Captain Lepus...”

The doors to the rocket ship then swung open and eighty three different colors of smoke shot out of it until finally there appeared a silver clad rabbit with goggles and a cell phone.

I didn’t mean to eve’s drop, but I heard him speaking into the phone and saying;

“Peter, baby, my main man, whattaya mean where am I? I’m at the Evil Wiener show. Isn’t everybody?”

Mr. Mouse, Chuck, Groves, and myself all looked at each other in disbelief. Thrum-cap, Coil, and Adamantine were not happy. Not at all.

The sleek rabbit from outer space hopped up to me and said;

“Mr. Sugarfix, I presume”

“Why, yes sir” I replied.

“Captain Lepus, intergalactic star hopper, at your service”

“But...but... how’d you know about the show? Thrum-cap, Coil, and Adamantine took down all of our photo advertisements.”

“Billy, baby, I read your blog on the internet.” said Captain Lepus.

I knew that this thing was worth doing.

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