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Saturday, December 11, 2004

The Americanization Of Miko

Nosferatu looked at each of us, then to the floor. He took a deep breath and then began crying uncontrolably.

“Loosen up” said Chuck.

“Relax” said yours truly

“Don’t do it” said Mr. Mouse.

“Mellow out” said Groves.

The world went black again, and we read these words;

“How can I expect you to understand the pain that I feel”

“Now listen bub” said Mr. Mouse. “You think being a vampire is tough, try being a mouse. ‘Would you like some cheese? Mr. Mouse? Why are elephants scared of you Mr. Mouse?’ Sometimes just thinking about the dumb things some morons will say is enough to make my floating ribs hurt.”

Nosferatu stopped crying, looked up, the world went black, and we saw these words;

“You mean a sort of achy feeling? Right near the sternum?”

“Yeah.” said Mr. Mouse “Exactly. And the only thing that’ll relieve the pain is to watch “Facts of Life” reruns.

“You like that show?” said the white words on the black screen that appeared whenever Nosferatu opened his mouth.

“Are ceilometers  self-contained, ground-based, active, remote-sensing devices designed to measure cloud-base height at up to three levels and also potential backscatter signals by aerosols?” replied Mr. Mouse.

This time, the words were larger than sousaphones and simpler than salt;

“Yes. Ceilometers  ARE self-contained, ground-based, active, remote-sensing devices designed to measure cloud-base height at up to three levels and also potential backscatter signals by aerosols.”

Thunder clapped outside as Nosferatu smiled.

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