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Saturday, February 26, 2005

Our Subterranean Nether World

I'm sorry I have been neglecting to write in this blog. It has been raining like crazy, and there was a bit of a flood. It flowed into the cave where I live and managed to pick up my inflatable mattress and propel it deeper into the cave than I ever would have thought was even possible. The flood emptied my bed and I into an underground river and then I discovered that Nosferatu had also been swept into the flood and was hanging onto the side of the mattress. His words lit up the endless pitch dark of our subterranean nether world and said:

"Will you give me a ride to the core of the Earth?"

I did, of course, and I'd have to say he's a much better travel companion than you'd think. He talked the entire time, which was great, because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to see. Not that I really needed to. The stream, according to Nosferatu, led right to the core of the earth, and the mattress was essentially unmaneuverable.

When we reached the earth's center Nosferatu, without flashing a word, jumped off of the mattress and flung himself into the giant ball of fire. Huge flaming letters shot from the burning sphere and spelled out the word "OUCH". The letters illuminated the sunken kingdom at the Earth's Center and Nosferatu shot from the core and was bright white with blue and orange flames raging from his back. He plunged into the underground river and the water began to steam. He threw himself against the mattress and it burst open. The air from the mattress reacted with the flames on Nosferatu's back and propelled us like a rocket to the front room of the cave.

Once there, Nosferatu leaped behind the bar and into the screen of the television. It turns out, his movie was scheduled to play at 8, so he just barely made it in time.

2 comments:

Gertie said...

I had to "google" the N-word to figure out who was on your matress with you. Nevertheless, what drugs are you on? I think I want some. Here's looking at your dreams, kid.

Billy Sugarfix said...

At a young age, I witnessed the very first incedent in which a college student was dining from a jar of peanut butterr on his way to class and bumped into a stodgy professor who had just began to enjoy a chocolate bar. You know the rest of the story, but the point is that I was THERE man. I saw the whole thing go down. I witnessed a miracle, and ever since that moment I have been what some call "high" just from the experience.

Look for the miracles in every day life, and you too could find yourself in a world of talking cat fish and singing toothpicks.