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Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Les Aramaics Du Gevaudan

An undisclosed friend and I went to a "restaurant" this evening. The waitress told us that she was the first person in Rhode Island to ever have a cell phone.

"You'd have thought I'd be on TV or something. At least once." She said.

She then proceeded to point out that every item on the menu had an assigned number, and instructed us that we were to say "honk" as many times as that number indicated to order it.

I honked 4 times for Lime Aid, 7 times for a bowl of corriander, and 16 times for Farfalle with Spinach Pesto Sauce & Portobello Mushrooms.

She brought out the Farfalle with Spinach Pesto Sauce & Portobello Mushrooms, and the bowl of corriander and then she said:

"Judging by the looks of you, I'd say you didn't jump on the mobile communications bandwagon until, say ought 4 or ought 5. Me, I've been down since 88. Nobody had ever even seen a car phone where I'm from. Why, they thought I was from outter space when I would stroll through the mall chatting into my big ole Dyna Tac...

She stopped dead in the middle of the sentence and looked in horror at the table. The lime Aid was glaringly missing, and she knew it. Without so much as a twitch, she whipped out a nice little Audiovox 8910 (Camera Phone), punched one key and said;

"I've got an 804 at table 506."

And before you could have wished to brush the lint from your shoulder she was holding...not a glass...not a mug...but THE WORLD CUP! AND IT WAS FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH CITRUSY REFRESHING LIME AID!

"I got France on my voice recognition, they said it was cool if you used it until Sunday".

I nodded my approval and proceeded to enjoy my luxuriously cold beverage.

"Oui....until Sunday" I said.

In addition to an exellent wait staff, this "restaurant" boasted (and I'm sure still boasts) an extrodinary tipping policy. When finished with your meal, you are to stand up and deliver a monologue: and the height of your gratuity should match the level of commitment you have to the performance.

I recited a passage from Studies in the Aramaic Legal Papyri from Elephantine - Page 15. You can rest assured that my dear and capable waitress got MORE than her standard 20 percent.

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