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Thursday, March 22, 2007


I have twin scrapes, one on each elbow. They are perfectly identical and placed in exact symmetry. I have no idea how they got there but if it is due to alien abduction I will certainly be disappointed. I thought the aliens and I had a better relationship than that. I don’t understand why they have to keep sneaking into my bedroom at night instead of just knocking on the door like everyone else.

These two Gemenis of scabdom that were possibly bestowed on me by extraterrestrials can get a bit itchy, but I’m glad to report that my feet are doing much better. This is due to the fact that I apply generous amounts of vics vapor rub to them on a regular basis. Call me old fashioned, but it works.

For every yin there’s a yang, and whereas I’ve found wondrous uses for vics vapor rub, I cannot for the life of me conjure a valid function for menthol scented nasal dilators. They certainly don’t stop me from snoring like they’re supposed to. But hey, in a universe where vics vapor rub cures onychomycosis (ON-i-ko-my-KO-sis) there must be something I can do with them.

Please (Email Me (billysugarfixATgmailDOTcom)
if you have suggestions as to a useful purpose for menthol scented nasal dilators, and please, no perverts.

I would like to end this post by presenting a poem that explains thoroughly the nasty phenomenon of onychomycosis.

is something rather grotesque
it gets you where you’re lowest
it’s known as toe nail fungus

It turns your toe nails
into snail shells
as though a witch
had cast a spell

sometimes brown
and sometimes yellow
he can be a nasty fellow

as though my toes were possessed
a voodoo needle’s target
petrified and off white

my toe nails are atrocious

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