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Sunday, March 20, 2005

Academy of Tears

A few days ago I began to feel rather flat. Smushed. Constricted. It all came to a head when I went to a nearby pond the other night. I was staring into the water when unanticipatedly there was a plop in the water as a bobber fell from the air into the water, making it ripple in uncannily structured patterns. The line from the bobber led up to the moon, which was a sickle shape. There was a boy sitting in the crescent dangling a fishing pole. Music started playing, I felt completely two dimensional, and I realized that this was the beginning of a major motion picture. So, I played my part, and I calcitrated posterior. I was so good that I won an Oscar. I was very excited about this until I realized that Oscar was crying.

"What's wrong lil pal" I asked.

"I need some clothes. Just because I'm a statue doesn't mean that I have no dignity" was his reply.

So, I took Oscar to the Wardrobe Wagon and hooked him up. He was so enamored with the affordable fashions that Wardrobe Wagon had to offer, that he ended up getting a job there.

Even though he was technically my oscar, I knew he'd be happier in the fashion industry than sitting on my mantle, so I bid him a fond adieux.


Anonymous said...

Hey Billy. You looked pretty in your dunce cap at Fuse Wednesday night.

Billy Sugarfix said...

That's really nice of you to say, and I totally appreciate it, but my Dunce Cap is feeling kind of left out because you didn't say anything about how HE looked good on ME. He can be a little over sensitive, that Dunce Cap, but still, if you see him around you might bring it up.

Anonymous said...

Funny you should say that. I just saw good ole dunce cap at the bank and I gave him a hug and told him he's swell. He smiled and shed a tear and said "thank you" rather bittersweetly.

I worry about him so.

Billy Sugarfix said...

Wow. That is radexelentacular. You should get a free singing toothpick for that.

Anonymous said...

I don't really know what any of that means but I'm certain it's good. Thank you, Billy. Hey to Dunce Cap.