A few days ago I began to feel rather flat. Smushed. Constricted. It all came to a head when I went to a nearby pond the other night. I was staring into the water when unanticipatedly there was a plop in the water as a bobber fell from the air into the water, making it ripple in uncannily structured patterns. The line from the bobber led up to the moon, which was a sickle shape. There was a boy sitting in the crescent dangling a fishing pole. Music started playing, I felt completely two dimensional, and I realized that this was the beginning of a major motion picture. So, I played my part, and I calcitrated posterior. I was so good that I won an Oscar. I was very excited about this until I realized that Oscar was crying.
"What's wrong lil pal" I asked.
"I need some clothes. Just because I'm a statue doesn't mean that I have no dignity" was his reply.
So, I took Oscar to the Wardrobe Wagon and hooked him up. He was so enamored with the affordable fashions that Wardrobe Wagon had to offer, that he ended up getting a job there.
Even though he was technically my oscar, I knew he'd be happier in the fashion industry than sitting on my mantle, so I bid him a fond adieux.