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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Optometrist's Belt

Once a month or so, we all return to the magical rock quarry from which our band came. If you are the type of person that likes to understand anything to any degree at all, I would suggest that at this point you go back and read the first two posts to this blog, entitled "Evilution Part 1" and "Further Evilution". If, however, you are the type of person that can be content to know that Groves is a six foot plus bass playing catfish who lives in an aquarium in a cave with myself (Billy Sugarfix), a mouse, and a meteorite named Chuck who plays drums, then praytell, continue. We go to the quarry in order to collect some of its water to fill Groves' aquarium, so that he can live in as much comfort as possible.

On this particular trip Chuck, Groves, and I enlisted the help of Beatrice, a self propelled bicycle, who pulled a cart which housed a number of big glass jugs that we planned to put the water in. Groves also carried two of the glass jugs on his back as we trudged past the black ruins of Thrumcap and Coil's.

When we were about a mile from the quarry, we experienced an odd eclipse in which the constellation Orion came to life and stood in front of the sun. The stars from his belt sent down a beam that knocked the jugs from Groves' back and melted them. After accomplishing this, Orion stepped away from the sun, closed his eyes, bit his lower lip and raised the roof for several seconds before taking back his normal place in the sky. The melted jugs had an odd violet glow to them and lay in neat globs on the ground. It was a shame to leave them, but we had to continue.

As we approached the quarry we heard loud low pitched moans. As we got closer, it became obvious that something somewhere was crying.

"Great Books Online!!!" said Groves as he approached the edge of the quarry and looked with disbelief into it.

Chuck and I looked and saw, in the middle of the lake, a large serpentlike creature with a bulbous middle and prehistoric head.

"What's wrong yo?" asked Chuck.

The beast turned its hulking head towards us and spoke;

"Aye Laddies, 'tis much that's troublin' me indeed."

"Are you Irish" I asked.

The creature responded with a slew of words that I'm not really sure of, but from them I gathered that he was not Irish, but Scottish.

"Well" said Groves "Are you crying because people think you're Irish?"

"Noooo. Indeed I'm not. I'm cryin' because nobody believes in me anymore" said the beast as it unleashed another torrent of tears.

"Well, we believe in you" said Chuck.

"Yeah" said I.

"Darn tootin'" said Groves.

The monster squinted at us and said;

"Aye, and a fine day 'tis when the famed Loch Ness Monster must rise blubberin' to the surface of a rock quarry half way 'round the world from his home so that someone will believe in him. But I thank ye none the less laddies. Ye've made me feel a whole heap better. Now, if only me poor old eyes could see like they used to"

"You have problems seeing?" asked Groves.

"Aye" was the reply.

"I think I have an idea, said Groves, who hopped on Beatrice the Bicycle and sped off in the direction that we'd come from. In just under a minute, he returned with the melted glass that resulted from Orion's little prank. In no time at all we had used the materials in and around the quarry to fashion Nessie a pair of glasses using the odd violet glass as the lenses.

"'Tis though me eyes had been scrubbed clean o' the years" said Nessie "All the best to ye laddies. Ye'll let me know when ye're playin' then."

The famed monster then dove beneath the surface, and with renewed vision he made his way by some secret corridor back to the legendary Scottish lake.

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